Sweater Dresses and the Average Ass

To quote my irreverent and plain-spoken father, "it's colder than a witch's tit."  (Imagine the surprise on my WASPy East-Coast husband's face when I peeled off that little phrase for the first time....)

But back to the point.  Which was, exactly?  Oh, yeah.  It's cold.  It's time to wear sweater dresses, thick tights and tall boots.  

This is a post about how to wear sweater dresses and not look like your body was once stretched beyond recognition whilst gestating twins.  Like you didn't eat all those wings, drink all that beer and skip the gym for a few weeks straight.  Like the only sweating you've been doing is when you hump it to the fridge for that second glass of white wine.  

My love of sweater dresses knows no bounds, but I've never even attempted to knit one.  I don't even have one on my Ravelry favorites list.  Personally, I think sweater dresses are best when knit at a fine gauge.  By a machine.   In stockinette.  And I would rather not knit a whole dress on No. 3 or smaller needles.  For my non-knitting readers, picture knitting a dress on needles that fit into this circle: 0.  Enough said.

But...I'm a knitter.  I love knitwear.  Especially when it's done right - even if you didn't knit it yourself.  And for the upcoming Thanksgiving dinner there's a sweater dress that will look good on you.  (Banana Republic's are all 30% off right now in stores.)   This little Banana Republic number is my No. 1 pick for looking good on Turkey Day.  Style it dressy casual with, Spanx black tights, tall black boots, a fancy scarf or bold black belt at the waist, and a really funky bold necklace and you've got the feast outfit.  IMPORTANT NOTES:  Make sure the dress hits you just above the knee if you have less-than-perfect legs, and honey, who doesn't?  This may mean getting the "tall" version....don't be afraid to experiment.  And DO cut off those little strings that hold the belt in place.  They are there to hold the self belt in place at retail.  Not on you.  Please.  Spread the word.  

But, please, please, please do not be tempted to wear cables on your ass.  

Do not add bulk in places where you shouldn't have any.  Even if you have a flat toushie, this will NOT make you look more in proportion.  Even if you weigh 90 lbs. soaking wet, this dress ain't gonna look good (even with a belt) because it all those cables mess up your nice clean lines.  Keep your lines in proportion by limiting the cables to the upper part of your sweater dress.  What color?  Not black.  Dark jewel tones or a grey that flatters your skin tone work best.  Open necklines like cowls or v-necks that draw attention to your face are great.

As another example, dive into dinner with a bang wearing fantastic sweater coat (or something like it that you DID knit).  If your sweater doesn't have a belt, be sure your dress does.  

And a brightly colored cowl-neck dress:

With black tights and black boots or shooties, natch.  

Those are my thoughts.  Tell me, what are my readers and fellow knitters wearing for the big feast?